Public Ridicule

I should have posted this while he was alive. I can’t even begin to try to post something brilliant, scathing, and witty as this piece from George himself.

My personal Holy Trinity of Comedy is now completely gone.

Carlin, Pryor, Hicks

Thanks, George.

Sorry for the long hiatus - we’ll be back to blogging regularly now.

It was 375 years ago today when that idiot, Galileo, was forced to admit that the Bible cannot be wrong and that the Earth can’t move around the sun. Silly, Galileo. Why did he even bother to challenge the inerrant word of God?

Psalm 93:1, Psalm 96:10, and I Chronicles 16:30 - “the world is firmly established, it cannot be moved.”

Psalm 104:5 - “[the Lord] set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved.”

Ecclesiastes 1:5 - “the sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.”

Why do scientists insist on undermining our faith with things like a heliocentric theory of planetary rotation and evolution. We must TEACH THE CONTROVERSY because the Bible cannot be wrong. If we can’t force our beliefs into schools because of absurb things like facts, we must make sure that BOTH SIDES ARE REPRESENTED.

Thankfully, I am not alone. Ben Stein agrees with me. And, so does TEACHTHECONTROVERSY.com. They have put together a wonderful array of apparel that you can wear proudly. Here are a few examples:

/sarcasm

People like H.L. Mencken make me realize what a vulgar, unimaginative ass I am. Does anyone today have the kind of wit? Has anyone since? Let’s honor this early 20th Century satirist by reviewing some of his great lines:

Misogynist - A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

Democracy is the theory that holds that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.

Nature abhors a moron.

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don’t want to meet them.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.

There’s nobody like that today. Mencken makes Andy Rooney look like Britney Spears. Who am kidding? Corky from “Life Goes On” makes Andy rooney look like Britney Spears - bad example. The point is that wit like this is sorely lacking in modern times. There are those who come close like George Carlin and P.J. O’Rourke, but no one really stands above it all the way Mencken did.

Oh, how I wish he were here today.

The Vatican has released a new set of sins - seven “social” sins. Let’s look at these one-by-one:

1. “Bioethical’ violations such as birth control

Right… Instead of birth control, you should just continue to breed like rabbits regardless of whether you live in, oh… say… Calcutta. Don’t worry about being able to feed the little buggers, just keep having them and make sure they’re Catholic.

2. “Morally dubious” experiments such as stem cell research

Because, God forbid that we learn how to heal anything. Healing is strictly a religious institution.

3. Drug abuse

Says “the opiate of the masses”.

4. Polluting the environment

Polluting your mind with a stupid ideas like sin and hell are still ok, though.

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

I’d like to see the ratio between Church assets vs. donations.

6. Excessive wealth

Pot, meet kettle.

7. Creating poverty

Remember, 10% is only the minimum.

The nerve of this church. How about addressing some real sins, Ratzo. Seems to me like there’s an awful big plank in thine own eye. Here are my seven deadly sins for you:

7. Molestation of children.
6. Covering up the molestation of children
5. Fucking up minds with moralistic dogma that goes against human nature
4. The glorification of suffering
3. Encouraging ignorance
2. Inflicting self-esteem-crushing guilt on your followers
1. Being completely irrelevant in the modern world