Frozen in indifference: Life goes on around body found in vacant warehouse

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detnews.com

The Detroit News.

“The Complete Discography of Lil Wayne”

Recently The Atheist Experience was pranked by a girl named Microbiologychick who runs her own blog called Atheist Girls. She doesn’t live too awfully far from where I moved from - just over the border in Tennessee. Microbiologychick gets a big thumbs-up from PR for being so incredibly dead-on in playing her character of the typical religious buffoon who knows nothing of what they are talking about when it comes to science. The hosts of The Atheist Experience were good sports and have also congratulated her on her ability to the play the role. She did so well, she fooled the show hosts, other bloggers, and even my favorite radio show, The Opie and Anthony Show on XM Satellite Radio. Below is a link to the audio so you can hear her fantastic performance and commentary from Opie, Anthony, and Jimmy Norton.

NOTE: I cut-out a 20 minutes tangent discussion about Rocky Dennis, the deformed kid depicted in the Cher movie, “Mask”. It was so uproariously funny that they never really get fully back on the track of Microbiologychick’s call, but kept making allusions to it while wrapping up the discussion.

Opie and Anthony listen to The Atheist Experience

Good job, Microbiologychick. Public Ridicule salutes you.

Yes, North Carolina’s own JFK-wannabe had an extra marital affair. Normally I don’t care about shit like this. However, when I lived in NC, I heard this ass talk about morality all the time. Nice job, Johnny. You picked an ingenious method of proving Ann Coulter wrong.

My personal Holy Trinity of Comedy is now completely gone.

Carlin, Pryor, Hicks

Thanks, George.

It was 375 years ago today when that idiot, Galileo, was forced to admit that the Bible cannot be wrong and that the Earth can’t move around the sun. Silly, Galileo. Why did he even bother to challenge the inerrant word of God?

Psalm 93:1, Psalm 96:10, and I Chronicles 16:30 - “the world is firmly established, it cannot be moved.”

Psalm 104:5 - “[the Lord] set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved.”

Ecclesiastes 1:5 - “the sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.”

Why do scientists insist on undermining our faith with things like a heliocentric theory of planetary rotation and evolution. We must TEACH THE CONTROVERSY because the Bible cannot be wrong. If we can’t force our beliefs into schools because of absurb things like facts, we must make sure that BOTH SIDES ARE REPRESENTED.

Thankfully, I am not alone. Ben Stein agrees with me. And, so does TEACHTHECONTROVERSY.com. They have put together a wonderful array of apparel that you can wear proudly. Here are a few examples:

/sarcasm

My roommate, Dave, was taking the same class and his presentation was on present-day parallels to the biblical “Mark of the Beast“. Though Dave and I share opinions about religion in general, his presentation catered to the fear most Bible-thumpers have about the future and technological advancement. He took this approach because our professor was one of the advisors for the Campus Crusade for Christ club at our university and very openly religious. Dave played to the professors biases and got an “A”. Even though Dave readily admitted that I worked harder on my project, he still laughed at me for putting so much work into something the professor wasn’t going to appreciate because the Invisible Sky Dude frowned upon it. Looking back on it now, I deserved the ridicule.

Today we laugh at some of the beliefs the generations before us held. Unfortunately we haven’t learned we are as susceptible to being laughed at by generations to come. In the future we will be considered as stupid as the imbeciles that thought blood-letting cured everything from headaches to syphilis. Take the example I ran across today, for instance.

Some very forward-thinking members of the British House of Commons decided not to ban the creation of human-animal hybrid embryos. The purpose of this research is the treatment of diseases like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s.

Immediately, knee-jerk reactionaries started their cacophony of “Frankenstein” and “Dr. Moreau” references. Though no one is proposing creating hybrid organisms from these embryos, that is the conclusion to which the anti-science lunatics jump.

This area of research could lead to incredible breakthroughs in the treatment of debilitating diseases. It could also be a scientific dead-end. We don’t know; we have to try. The anti-science douchebags don’t even want us to try. As science continues barreling down the Superhighway to the Future, it still has to deal with blue-hairs and church buses in the left lane. Not surprisingly, these scientific obstructionists are trying to stay under 30 miles per hour because faster speeds than that will kill a human being.

I counted at least 13. How many did you count?

I’d like to say I can sympathize with these people, but I BOUGHT A REASONABLE FUCKING CAR! You know what, I take it back. I wouldn’t like to be able to say that I can sympathize with them. I’m glad I can’t sympathize with them.

You should see me laughing hysterically at these ridiculous wives carting one kid around in the back of some Suburban. It’s tough to keep my seat dry. I picture these husbands at home, palms on their foreheads, fingers in their hair, just weeping over the credit card bills.

Suddenly the phone rings:

“Hello…”

“Hi, honey, I just picked up Katelyn from dance class. Her friend Brianne needed a ride home, so I’m taking her home first. We’re going to stop by the ice cream shop and get something. We should be home in a few hours. This stop and go traffic is sooo frustrating. Oh, by the way, I was filling up today and the credit card wouldn’t take. I had to go in and pay that nasty looking man with cash. Can you call Visa for me and order a new card for me. The stripe looks ok, but I assume it’s too worn…” [GUNSHOT] “…Honey? Honey, you there? What was that noise? If you can hear me call the cell phone company too about this bad signal. Love you!”

This scenario cheers up my day every time I think about it. Look, I’m no environmentalist and I don’t own a Hybrid (most of them look stupid), but I could read the signs back in 2004 when I bought a new vehicle. It’s not like there wasn’t a war going on then. Now these jackballs are trying to sell their Urban Assault Vehicles and are having a really tough time. Good. Try thinking things through next time. Just because you can afford to drive a couch doesn’t mean you should.

These people used to be so proud of that status symbol they’re tooling around in that is now treating them like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. I hope they think about that every time they squeeze that remote button to unlock the doors and get into that monstrosity. You might as well be squeezing a tube of K-Y into your crack. Enjoy the ride.