Public Ridicule

“Borrowed” from SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com. Go there and have a few laughs.

I had to do an ethics presentation on an area of scientific research in college. I took on the subject of “Genetic Engineering” and my take was one of optimism on how incredibly wonderful the results of this research could be. I specifically discussed the “Frankenstein” argument that always gets trotted out when critics of this area of research speak out. Put simply, “playing God” isn’t a valid argument against pursuing this line of research. The novel has more to do with taking responsibility for your actions than following some religious decree. I put a lot of work into that project and got a “B” for it.

My roommate, Dave, was taking the same class and his presentation was on present-day parallels to the biblical “Mark of the Beast“. Though Dave and I share opinions about religion in general, his presentation catered to the fear most Bible-thumpers have about the future and technological advancement. He took this approach because our professor was one of the advisors for the Campus Crusade for Christ club at our university and very openly religious. Dave played to the professors biases and got an “A”. Even though Dave readily admitted that I worked harder on my project, he still laughed at me for putting so much work into something the professor wasn’t going to appreciate because the Invisible Sky Dude frowned upon it. Looking back on it now, I deserved the ridicule.

Today we laugh at some of the beliefs the generations before us held. Unfortunately we haven’t learned we are as susceptible to being laughed at by generations to come. In the future we will be considered as stupid as the imbeciles that thought blood-letting cured everything from headaches to syphilis. Take the example I ran across today, for instance.

Some very forward-thinking members of the British House of Commons decided not to ban the creation of human-animal hybrid embryos. The purpose of this research is the treatment of diseases like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s.

Immediately, knee-jerk reactionaries started their cacophony of “Frankenstein” and “Dr. Moreau” references. Though no one is proposing creating hybrid organisms from these embryos, that is the conclusion to which the anti-science lunatics jump.

This area of research could lead to incredible breakthroughs in the treatment of debilitating diseases. It could also be a scientific dead-end. We don’t know; we have to try. The anti-science douchebags don’t even want us to try. As science continues barreling down the Superhighway to the Future, it still has to deal with blue-hairs and church buses in the left lane. Not surprisingly, these scientific obstructionists are trying to stay under 30 miles per hour because faster speeds than that will kill a human being.

I counted at least 13. How many did you count?

So, how’s that Hummer/Expedition/Escalade treating you? You enjoying that big, powerful, penis-compensating ride lately? No? What’s the problem? Gas prices? We’ve known gas prices were controlled by Middle Eastern douchebags for a long time now. Why the change in attitude? Oh, paying $80 several times a week to fill up making you a little light in the pocket? Is it getting difficult? Boy, it sucks to be you.

I’d like to say I can sympathize with these people, but I BOUGHT A REASONABLE FUCKING CAR! You know what, I take it back. I wouldn’t like to be able to say that I can sympathize with them. I’m glad I can’t sympathize with them.

You should see me laughing hysterically at these ridiculous wives carting one kid around in the back of some Suburban. It’s tough to keep my seat dry. I picture these husbands at home, palms on their foreheads, fingers in their hair, just weeping over the credit card bills.

Suddenly the phone rings:

“Hello…”

“Hi, honey, I just picked up Katelyn from dance class. Her friend Brianne needed a ride home, so I’m taking her home first. We’re going to stop by the ice cream shop and get something. We should be home in a few hours. This stop and go traffic is sooo frustrating. Oh, by the way, I was filling up today and the credit card wouldn’t take. I had to go in and pay that nasty looking man with cash. Can you call Visa for me and order a new card for me. The stripe looks ok, but I assume it’s too worn…” [GUNSHOT] “…Honey? Honey, you there? What was that noise? If you can hear me call the cell phone company too about this bad signal. Love you!”

This scenario cheers up my day every time I think about it. Look, I’m no environmentalist and I don’t own a Hybrid (most of them look stupid), but I could read the signs back in 2004 when I bought a new vehicle. It’s not like there wasn’t a war going on then. Now these jackballs are trying to sell their Urban Assault Vehicles and are having a really tough time. Good. Try thinking things through next time. Just because you can afford to drive a couch doesn’t mean you should.

These people used to be so proud of that status symbol they’re tooling around in that is now treating them like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. I hope they think about that every time they squeeze that remote button to unlock the doors and get into that monstrosity. You might as well be squeezing a tube of K-Y into your crack. Enjoy the ride.

How low will Jack Thompson stoop? According to the Wired Blog Network, pretty damn low. Jack addressed a letter to the mother of the Chairman of Take-Two Interactive Software, Strauss Zelnick. Take-Two is the company behind the Grand Theft Auto IV game. You can read the letter in it’s entirety at the Wired link above, but here are a few choice quotes from Jack’s letter:

Dear Mrs. Zelnick:

Your son, as you may know (or maybe you don’t know), is Chairman of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc., whose most popular video games are the Grand Theft Auto murder simulator games banned in some countries but sold to children here.

Right out of the gate, “murder simulator” and “sold to children”. Jack loves his emotionally charged buzzwords. As if murders didn’t occur before the era of video games. Come on, Jack. You can’t be this dense - this is all about publicity for you.

Your son last week was reported to have said the following about Grand Theft Auto IV, due to be released Tuesday, April 29:

“We’ve already received numerous [GTA IV] reviews, and to a one, they are perfect scores. My mom couldn’t write better reviews…”

Taking your son’s thought, I would encourage you either to play this game or have an adroit video gamer play it for you. Some of the latter gamers are on death row, so try to find one out in the civilian population who hasn’t killed someone yet.

Laughable.

Mrs. Zelnick, did you train up your son, Strauss, to make millions of dollars by pushing Mature-rated video games to children? Any kid can go right to little Strauss’ corporate web site and buy GTA IV with no age verification. Strauss is even marketing the new Grand Theft Auto IV on World Wrestling Entertainment tv shows seen by millions of kids. If you trained up Strauss to do this, then shame on you.

It seems like Jack’s mother trained him up to be media whore. Shame on her. She raised her boy to open his hole up for anyone with a recording device.

Your son, this very moment, is doing everything he possibly can to sell as many copies of GTA IV to teen boys in the United States, a country in which your son claims you raised him to be “a Boy Scout.” More like the Hitler Youth, I would say.

For someone who claims to despise everything about GTA, Jack sure knows how to throw verbal Molotov cocktails. It’s as if he’s been “trained” to do so.

I’ve got an idea for a game I think Jack will like. It’s about the ruler of a gang and how this ruler maintains order over his territory. You will be one of his many underlings. In the game, the ruler:

Orders his followers to commit genocide not just once, but many, many times.

Sends wild beasts to kill his enemies children.

Threatens to force people to eat the flesh of their own sons and daughters and fathers and friends.

Condones and orders human sacrifice.

Creates a plague that kills thousands of people - men, women, and children.

Has 32,000 virgins taken as spoils of war. Thirty-two are set aside as a tribute for him.

Orders horses to be hamstrung.

Commands his underlings to “utterly destroy” and shown “no mercy” to those he defeats.

Has an underling sacrifice his daughter, his only child, according to a vow he has made.

Kills seventy men for looking at his possessions and at him.

Has an underling rip open all the women who are pregnant.

My game is called GTA (God, the Asshole), because all of the things I just listed (and many more equally horrible things) happen in the Bible at God’s request.

And the game gets worse because the Ruler can also torture the dead beyond the grave. Millions upon millions will be sent to a place where they will burn alive for eternity. What do you think, Jack? Is this acceptable? It’s your rule book we’re gong by. You should be thrilled.

Jack, think long and hard about what you want this world to be like. Douche.

On the Trinity Broadcasting Network (yes, that bastion of class and sophistication), Ben was speaking to Paul Crouch about the anti-science ‘Expelled’ movie:

From National Review Online:

Stein: When we just saw that man, I think it was Mr. Myers [i.e. biologist P.Z. Myers], talking about how great scientists were, I was thinking to myself the last time any of my relatives saw scientists telling them what to do they were telling them to go to the showers to get gassed … that was horrifying beyond words, and that’s where science — in my opinion, this is just an opinion — that’s where science leads you.

Crouch: That’s right.

Stein: …Love of God and compassion and empathy leads you to a very glorious place, and science leads you to killing people.

Crouch: Good word, good word.

I would say more, but is there any point. I mean, anybody who really feels this way should just become Amish. There’s no point in continuing on in this society benefitting from scientific discoveries you feel are part of a long walk toward moral and physical destruction. I’m starting to see what Nixon liked about him.